No doubt, the people who are in control are greedy and will step on anyone else to maintain their power and comfortable lifestyle. Do you think that anyone attending the protest would do differently if their roles were reversed?  The history of humanity has shown us the answer.  It even gives us trite sayings to remind us of these little power struggles – absolute power corrupts absolutely. So the protest has little to do with ending corporate greed, but rather, whining that they’re on the shitty end of the stick.

Meanwhile, the folks who engage in protests tend to be consumers of corporate products. Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream pronounced its solidarity with the Occupy[Insert City Name Here] folks. Yes, why shouldn’t they? This is an outstanding marketing opportunity! They’re siding with the people who buy ice cream in a campaign that I’m sure has the approval of their Corporate Board of Directors.

Look, I have no problems with protests. In fact, I’m glad that there are people who will give up part of their weekend to go yell and scream on a day when no one from the corporate office will be around to see the protest. I have no doubt that the organizers picked this date and time so it wouldn’t conflict with the work schedules of the protestors who work for greedy corporations, because you know that it’s mostly non-corporate businesses that work weekends to sell & serve these folks at small businesses.

However, I wish these protestors would be honest with themselves and target the corporations they know most.  Instead of passing out flyers at the Chamber of Commerce on a day when no one is around, why not protest Target? Why not protest the Orlando Magic on a game night?  Why?  Because these same people are supporting those corporations all the time. You won’t see this protest at Bright House headquarters, because they want to go home and watch a football game on cable after stuffing flyers under windshield wipers.

There’s only one way to protest against corporate greed. Stop giving them your money. That’s why we have another trite saying, “Money talks.”

Fuck no. A couple of folks asked that question of the official NASA Tweetup account on Twitter.  The reply from @NASATweetup was unrelenting:

[quote]sorry, no new #NASATweetup #STS134 attendees.[/quote]

I knew that the odds of getting accepted were pretty slim.  There were more people who requested participation than slots available.  Of course, NASA rigged the game a little bit by inviting aging celebrities (LeVar Burton, Seth Green) and non-US citizens.  I’m actually a bit miffed that US citizens got bumped out of the running.

Fuck it, we pay the taxes to run NASA!  It’s the NATIONAL Aeronautics and Space Administration.  Our nation – USA!  Let our people be present to watch the final flight.  It’s bad enough that the average NASA supporter gets bumped by yesterday’s celebrity, but now we’re shut out by some EuroTrash?  Your tax dollars at work.

If NASA were a private company, I wouldn’t be bothered by the way they ran this event.  However, NASA isn’t private.  It’s part of the United State Government. I was under the impression, perhaps foolishly, that the government was supposed to operate in a more equitable fashion – by law.  In other words, every US Citizen who applied should have an equal shot at being accepted for the launch.  No special invitations for celebrities; let them apply like any other citizen and make the cut or not. As you can tell, I’m not in favor of inviting non-citizens at the expense of US citizens, either.  It’s nice that they’re fans of the space program, but they aren’t taxpayers.

Whoever is running your Social Media strategy at NASA doesn’t have a clue about how to attract the support of the taxpaying citizens. I can understand that there still isn’t room for everyone who is available to make it to a launch, but ruling out any possibility to fill in the empty spots (or eliminating us in favor of foreigners) is causing me to lose faith in NASA. Show a little love to those of us who’ve been here for you.

That’s like asking for a nice table at a restaurant, though. Let’s face it, the person handling the NASA Tweetup is probably someone with a career as a restaurant hostess.  You take the least trained, lowest-paid person on the staff and put them in a position where they’re simply supposed to help people find a place.  Instead, they decide to exert authority and fuck over people they don’t like in favor of people they like.  Don’t worry, though.  There’s only one more launch after this one, and then I’m sure the layoffs will put them back to where they belong – working in a Denny’s trying to decide who gets the corner booth vs. the table in the middle of the floor with a wobble.

We live in an age of observation. Everyone has surveillance cameras watching you. Most people never notice them, but they’re quite ubiquitous. You can’t pump gas, use an ATM or buy a hotdog at a convenience store without appearing on a video camera. It seems that the only people who don’t have cameras are cops.  Somehow, it’s too expensive to have dash cams in police or deputy cruisers, but there’s always money for the new darling of municipal governments – red light cameras.

Red Light Cameras are Profitable

The reason for the disparity is obvious. There’s no profit in recording video on a police car. Red light cameras, however, are all about profit. Today, Orange County became the most recent jurisdiction to add red light cameras at ten intersections. For the next few weeks, drivers accused of violating a red light will receive a warning notice. After that, they will automatically ticket the registered owner of a vehicle $158. $75 of that amount goes to the county as revenue and the remainder goes to the state.

Officials routinely  try to downplay the revenue and cite safety as the reason for the red light cameras. Orange County Mayor followed that script today as she announced, “This program is not about fines, it’s about preventing injuries and saving lives.” Sure, honey.  Whatever you say. The fines don’t hurt the city coffers, though, do they? It’s interesting to note that a driver’s insurance company isn’t notified, and there are no points assigned to people accused of running a red light. If this is about safety, why omit notification and points? Don’t we want to identify and punish the people who jeopardize our safety? Of course not. We just want their money.

In fact, cities are relieved by the ruling of a state judge last month protecting them from the possibility of losing millions of dollars of red light revenue. Orange Circuit Judge Frederick Lauten ruled that drivers who voluntarily paid fines of $125 or more have no right to ask for their money back, and cannot be included in a claim against the city of Orlando filed by Kissimmee attorney Jason Weisser on behalf of Michael Udowychenko. The judge ruled that the city installed red light cameras before the state approved their use. The City of Orlando had issued tickets for two years before state approval.

Judge Lauten’s ruling saves Orlando about $4 Million. Of course, the ruling presumes that people who voluntarily paid the fine were admitting guilt. My opinion is that some of them did so because they either didn’t feel they had a chance to win or feared higher fines if they contested the ticket. It doesn’t matter, though. a 1959 precedent ruled that citizens who paid fines were not entitled to a refund, even if the law that caused the citation was ruled invalid. You see, it’s about the money.

Red Light Camera Tickets Are Beatable

Folks in South Florida know they can beat these tickets, though. That’s because there are a number of flaws with the technology. Tickets have been dismissed for a number of reasons:

• One woman brought her passport to prove she was in Spain at the time of the alleged infraction.
• Another woman brought a note from church to show she was taking part in a funeral procession when the camera caught her car going through a red light.
• A man showed the video clearly indicated that the light was Yellow as his car was caught on camera; proof he did not run a red light.
• When challenged to present a certificate proving that the cameras were installed according to state law, 20 people had their citations dismissed as the City of West Palm Beach could not present the certificate.
• Tickets are sometimes dismissed because the photo does not show the traffic light, proving it was red at the time the car passed.
• Tickets are sometimes dismissed because the yellow light only lasts 2 seconds, rather than the standard 4-5 seconds. One judge commented it was entrapment.

A defense that is becoming common is to challenge the citation based upon lack of evidence. The photograph of a car passing under a red light does not include a visible license tag. A separate image captures the tag, but doesn’t include the date/time stamp on the photo to coincide with the larger image. That evidentiary gap is causing traffic hearing officers in West Palm Beach to toss one red light camera ticket after another. This tactic may or may not work in other areas of Florida, since traffic rulings are non-binding.

Red Light Cameras are Privatized Police Enforcement

It wasn’t Orange County employees who installed the red light cameras here recently, but private contractors. Red light enforcement cameras are installed and maintained by private firms such as Affiliated Computer Services, American Traffic Solutions, Inc., and Redflex Traffic Systems. West Palm Beach pays $4,750 per camera each month to American Traffic Solutions, Inc. for its red light cameras. If you receive a ticket, it’s not because you were observed by a trained and state certified law enforcement officer, but because of a system owned and operated by a private, for-profit corporation. Effectively, municipalities have outsourced police enforcement in exchange for a cut of revenue.

They say you get the government you deserve, but that saying was before government started selling out for a quick buck.

After the recent murder of Deputy Brandon Coates, the Orlando Sentinel is pushing for dashboard cameras in the Orange County Sheriff vehicles. Scott Maxwell questioned the notion in his blog after another recent murder of cab driver Nelvil Joseph. Mears, like many other taxi companies around the country, has video cameras installed in its cars. As a result, there are images of the man who likely murdered Joseph and a local judge recognized a man in his court who bore striking similarity. In contrast, the Orange County Sheriff’s Office has video cameras in only eight of its cars. Since both Coates and his killer are dead, we have no idea what happened.

Orlando Sentinel Supports Deputy Dash Cams

The Orlando Sentinel followed up Maxwell’s blog post with an article regarding police dash cameras. As noted in the article, the cameras may cost between $2,000 – $5,000 per car; adding up to millions of dollars to equip all cars with cameras. There are other costs after the purchase.

On one internet forum targeted to police officers, a user laments the time spent by officers downloading information at the end of every shift. He claims that it can take 30-45 minutes, time the officer is not on the street. The time spent downloading information may also turn into overtime, which adds to overtime cost to the municipality. When you multiply that time across the active vehicles in a police organization, it may become a substantial amount. Some of the users claim to appreciate the benefits of dash cams, but warn that its usefulness is dependent upon the policy set by the department. With regard to Deputy Coates, one user on the forum stated that dash cam video is incredibly helpful in such a scenario.

Safety or Recreation?

While law enforcement agencies and citizens alike may agree on the usefulness of dash cam video, the cost of equipment is more than a subtle barrier. As often happens on the discussions associated with Orlando Sentinel articles, readers question why we can afford “abc”, but not “xyz.” In this case, they’ve pitted the performing arts center against equipment for officers. It’s not quite that black & white, though.

Orange County Mayor Denies Performing Arts Center Request for Funds

The Downtown Performing Arts Center (PAC) is part of Orlando, but the debate over dash cams is with the Orange County Sheriff’s Office. Orlando Police rely upon IRIS cameras positioned in the city for surveillance, rather than dash cameras. The donations for the PAC are faltering and it needs $30 Million. Funds from the Tourist Development Tax is also lower than expected, and it’s only likely to contribute $10 Million. PAC backers approached Orange County for funding, but Orange County Mayor Teresa Jacobs said she will not fund it.

Orange County Budget Shortfall

Her reasoning is understandable. Jacobs is a supporter of dash cams, but she’s facing a smaller budget for fiscal 2010-2011 than the previous year. The readers of the Orlando Sentinel article fail to realize that the person in charge is doing exactly as they wish prioritizing deputy safety over a facility for the Arts. Still, it’s not enough. Public Safety, which includes the Sheriff’s Office, took a 13% cut in funding compared to last year. The Sheriff’s budget took only a 3% cut for an annual budget of 178,810,000 this year. Culture and Recreation took a 42% cut. There’s simply less money to go around for new equipment.

Voters Demanded Cuts

The truth is that dash cams are unlikely to come out of the existing budget. In the past couple of years, many county employees have had neither a raise or cost of living increase. Voters approved measures to limit taxes and told government agencies to make cuts with their budget. They can’t do that and add millions of dollars worth of equipment at the same time. We’re not Washington.

Fraud or Incompetence?

Many people have discussed his past involvement with Medicare fraud. I’m astonished that wasn’t a clear warning sign to most voters, but we get the government we deserve. If a majority elects a man who either cheated the taxpayers out of billions or dollars or (as he says) was completely unaware of it. Let’s take him at his word. How incompetent of a leader do you have to be to NOT know how billions of dollars flow into your company? Understanding your revenue flow would seem to be a major qualification for a leader, but Rick Scott claims he didn’t know. If we did’t elect a cheater, then we surely elected an idiot. Again, we get the government we deserve.

From WikiPedia on the Columbia/HCA issue

[box]On March 19, 1997, investigators from the FBI, the Internal Revenue Service and the Department of Health and Human Services served search warrants at Columbia/HCA facilities in El Paso and on dozens of doctors with suspected ties to the company.

Following the raids, the Columbia/HCA board of directors forced Scott to resign as Chairman and CEO. He was paid $9.88 million in a settlement. He also left owning 10 million shares of stock worth over $350 million.

In 1999, Columbia/HCA changed its name back to HCA, Inc.

In settlements reached in 2000 and 2002, Columbia/HCA plead guilty to 14 felonies and agreed to a $600+ million fine in the largest fraud settlement in US history. Columbia/HCA admitted systematically overcharging the government by claiming marketing costs as reimbursable, by striking illegal deals with home care agencies, and by filing false data about use of hospital space. They also admitted fraudulently billing Medicare and other health programs by inflating the seriousness of diagnoses and to giving doctors partnerships in company hospitals as a kickback for the doctors referring patients to HCA. They filed false cost reports, fraudulently billing Medicare for home health care workers, and paid kickbacks in the sale of home health agencies and to doctors to refer patients. In addition, they gave doctors “loans” never intending to be repaid, free rent, free office furniture, and free drugs from hospital pharmacies.

In late 2002, HCA agreed to pay the U.S. government $631 million, plus interest, and pay $17.5 million to state Medicaid agencies, in addition to $250 million paid up to that point to resolve outstanding Medicare expense claims. In all, civil law suits cost HCA more than $2 billion to settle, by far the largest fraud settlement in US history.[/box]

He’s Not One of Us

Of course, all of that happened before Scott came to Florida. After being forced out of Columbia/HCA, he created an investment firm in Connecticut, which later moved to Naples, FL. My concern is that he hasn’t lived here very long, certainly not long enough to understand the history of the state and how issues have affected people’s lives.  He’s a carpet-bagger whose self-interest is driving his need to change us without knowing what it is to be one of us.

He’s Not Open

[box] General state policy on public records -
(1) It is the policy of this state that all state, county, and municipal records are open for personal inspection and copying by any person. Providing access to public records is a duty of each agency.
Florida Statute, Chapter 119.01[/box]

As a candidate, Rick Scott flatly refused to answer many questions. That was his right. As governor-elect, he held private meetings with his transition team rather than open them to public & press. That drew a number of complaints and speculation as to whether Florida business could legally be discussed without public access. Of course, we were told that 200 people gathered for three days to help the governor-elect prepare for his transition to office, but that no state business was discussed. Yes, they said it with a straight face. If you believe them, perhaps I could interest you in some nice Everglades real estate.

The Agenda

Every incoming politician has an agenda, and perhaps this is what scares me the most about Rick Scott. Some of his ideas call for remaking the state government from scratch. What the hell does that even mean? Will we ignore our existing laws that he doesn’t like (e.g. Florida Sunshine Law)? Rick Scott also calls for regulatory control. Some developers have stated they feel like the enemy when they apply for permits to bulldoze over natural, undeveloped land in order to build a new plant. Florida law requires local growth plans to address energy efficiency and the stress that developments place on water resources, transportation and schools. I fear that Scott wants to eliminate these requirements in order to streamline development and job growth, but at the expense of managing resources and impact to the community. Perhaps I’m wrong, but it’s a concern of mine.

Rick Scott is has also been very critical of high speed rail, something local leaders have endorsed as a “game changer” to help the economy and job growth. Rick Scott stated that he didn’t want it in Florida and doesn’t want the state to fund any part of the estimated $2.6billion project. The Federal government has already awarded over $2 Billion of that amount to the state for this project. The state government would bear about ten percent of the cost, as the Feds are ready to provide another $340 Million. For an investment of $280, Florida could create jobs and stimulate economic growth, not to mention help public transportation by proceeding with High Speed Rail. Scott’s rationale for opposing High Speed Rail is that he doesn’t want to pay for indefinite subsidies for a railroad. That would be admirable, except for one thing.  We already pay indefinite subsidies for highways and other roads. Providing a transportation infrastructure is a job we expect of government. Rick Scott doesn’t seem to get it, because it’s not something he would do in business.

The reality, Governor Scott, is that you’re not in business. You’re in the government. The rules are different.

Fortunately for me, things are really improving for me and that’s starting to have a positive effect upon my attitude and outlook on things. I have to regain some ground that I lost over the year, but it’ll happen. More specifically, I ate too much during the year (food soothes a poor attitude), so I’ve recently started correcting both my diet and exercise. I’m on my path to becoming a much healthier person, only whining about the heavy objects that my trainer asks me to lift.

Sadly, things aren’t perfect around town. OPD Chief Val Demings is still sending mixed messages and threats to the community that she’s supposed to protect.  Don’t believe me? Isn’t she the same person who said that she expects her officers to think, but found the officer who slammed an 84 year-old man on the ground and broke his neck acted within guidelines? Isn’t she the same person who just announced that violent crime went down for the 3rd year in a row, but yet said the city is getting more dangerous?

Don’t worry, Val.  You’re not the only community leader that lies to us. We’ll have a new Mayor in town to tell us some new lies, or at least dress up the old ones. I, for one, will pay attention and listen for your mixed messages and duplicity. It would be a pleasant surprise if you gave us something else next year, though.  I would much rather support you than find fault with you. Whether that happens or not depends upon the integrity you use in office. So far, I’m not impressed.

OK, so maybe I still had a little whining left in me.  It was whining for a greater good, though. So now that the whining is over, let me simply say “Merry Christmas” to those of you who celebrate the season.

Merry Christmas - © Copyright 2010 by Orlando Local

Traffic Light & Camera – Rule of Thirds

Originally uploaded by Ellen Henderson Photography

Most people think those who oppose red light cameras are only those who like to run red lights. That’s incorrect. I don’t run red lights or stop signs and can’t stand it when I see someone who does. Generally, I express my displeasure with a display of my middle finger. Yelling hurts my voice and it takes time to roll down the window. The finger is much quicker. Never mind the fact that the criminal may never see it or know why I flicked them off. It makes me feel better.

There are a few reasons why I think red light cameras are a bad idea. First is the constitutional complaint. It eliminates your right to face your accuser in court. People see the picture of your car and assume that the light was red, thus you are guilty. They never conceive that there may be a problem with the technology. One example is a yellow light that is too short. The lights have timing specifications, but sometimes they’re off. If you should have time to get through an intersection, but the timing of the light off, you get an automatic ticket. Now you are presumed guilty and you can’t face your accuser.

My other objection is about the alleged safety enhancement of these cameras. I don’t buy it. If people aren’t paying attention to the light or are just running the damn thing, they aren’t paying attention to the camera. These folks aren’t deep thinkers. They act quickly, rashly and stupidly.

These cameras are all about generating revenue. As AAA noted, the revenue doesn’t even go toward public safety. Most of it goes to the state’s general fund. Red light cameras are nothing more than a new tax for politicians to abuse.

I sincerely hope that Governor Crist disapproves the state’s red light camera law, but I doubt that he has the cojones to do it. He goes with the majority, and those aren’t the folks who think about being on the dirty end of the stick.

The very next commercial shows Alex Sink, but it’s from Bill McCollum.  He’s talking about how she eliminated thousands of Florida jobs while taking over $8 Million for herself in salary & bonuses.  The ad claims she’s not one of us, she’s one of them.

Neither of these politicians tells us anything about their own qualifications or why we should vote for them, but only why we shouldn’t vote for their opponent.  Basically, neither of them can think of a damn good reason why we should vote for them, so they trash the opposition.

Why should we vote for either of them?  If they can’t think of a reason, I’m not going to give them one.  Don’t vote.

Or is it?  I’m hearing quite a bit of whining lately about the impact this decision will have on jobs in the community, both directly at NASA and the trickle-down effect to other businesses that rely upon a thriving industry in the region.  If this were the whole story, they’d be right.

It’s not the whole story, though.  Obama is presenting the notion that it’s time to privatize space travel.  No longer should it be the realm of the U.S. Government to foot the whole bill, but rather let profit-driven industry take over.  It’s not such a radical idea.  In fact, maybe it’s time.

We don’t expect the government to run the airlines for us, though we do expect it to provide oversight. If we followed Obama’s proposal, NASA would have to change into a governing body that provides regulations to private industry in the business of space travel. Companies like Boeing, SpaceX, Orbital Sciences, or even Virgin Galactic. NASA already provides millions of dollars to some of the organizations to develop experimental spacecraft. The essential change in vision is to get these businesses off the taxpayer’s back and into a direct line of business with other customers, including commercial, foreign governmental and even personal clients. That isn’t to suggest that the U.S. government will no longer fund space exploration; it will.  It’s just that it won’t have to hold the entire infrastructure up by itself.

Change is scary to many people. Our local government folks are lamenting the loss of jobs. No doubt, there will be some loss of jobs.  There will also be new opportunities.  Private industry will need experienced employees to succeed.  Those folks who may no longer work for NASA will likely find willing employers waiting for them on a new project. I’m not suggesting this is going to be an easy or even equitable change when it comes down to an individual basis. Killing Constellation and Ares will drop jobs at NASA and the sub-contractors who are designing and building it. Some of those folks will get jobs elsewhere in private industry, some surely won’t. There’s also no guarantee all of those jobs will stay within the Space Coast region (not all of them are there now). That’s the real concern of our local politicians.  They want thriving jobs HERE, so people and businesses will pay taxes HERE.

From the perspective of the whole nation’s needs, I think it’s a good direction.  I also think that a number of those private industries will certainly come here (in addition to those at are here now) because this is where you find the experienced employees and infrastructure to support space travel.  It’s a gamble, but one I’d be willing to take.  The current economy simply isn’t going to provide for rockets to the moon, but it’s a good time to open up an industry to entrepreneurs willing to provide a service. NASA would become more like the FAA than it’s old self, providing oversight and governance for the space travel industry.  My only fear of this arrangement is the possible inclusion of the TSA.

Of course, much of this is moot.  Obama can propose all he wants, but Congress sets the budget.  It’s Congress that has hundreds of elected officials, many of them from states and districts that include businesses which make a profit with the existing system.  Sure, it’s a drain on the American taxpayer, but that’s never stopped any politician from spending money before.  Bill Nelson and other Florida politicians are surely working the phones and pressing hands to keep their cash-cow churning out milk, even if the cow is nearly dead.  Never mind that someone is willing to open a dairy store and sell us milk.

I was supposed to head over to Daytona for Biketoberfest on Friday night with a friend, but he had to cancel. As much as I would’ve preferred to spend time with my friend, I was actually a bit relieved. I ended up coming home from a business trip at about 2:00 am on Friday and was still moving slowly that day.

As a result, I caught some great weather by going on Saturday afternoon. It seemed like a perfect day for a ride going the back way on 415. After turning off 46 onto 415, I had the luck of the draw to wind up behind a semi hauling a load slowly down the road. At first, I figured it wasn’t so bad. I had no particular time to be there and a lazy ride up a back road could be a nice way to unwind.

Then it started getting to me. It was’t the semi that was the problem; he actually got his ass in gear and kept up with the speed limit. It was the dipshits between us that didn’t seem to know how to drive. They were looking at everything but the road, slowing down to look at grass, cows, and who knows what. Thus began my leapfrog approach to navigating 415 and a reminder of my love/hate relationship with biker events.

Biker Event Traffic Sucks

Some of the drivers were in cars and trucks, and some were on motorcycles. It doesn’t matter to me. Stupid drivers who can’t keep consistent speed, cause others to miss traffic lights because they aren’t paying attention or having a conversation, or just suddenly stop hard annoy the fuck out of me. One after the other, I experienced all of these at least once, and some of them multiple times.

Since I was on my own this trip, I decided to make it pretty simple and keep to my traditional stops: Hooters for lunch (for the vitamins), grab some t-shirts at Boot Hill & Iron Horse, and a DQ Oreo Blizzard for dinner (for the vitamins). Given the traffic in town, I spent several hours doing what should only take one or two.

Daytona International Speedway

Lunch Options at Biketoberfest

I ended up sitting at a table right under an air conditioning vent at Hooters. It was nice & cool outside, so I’m not sure why they cranked up the A/C so much. Yes, you need to run it because of all the bodies inside, but it was pretty fucking cold there. However, it was actually worth it. While my local Sanford Hooters can’t cook decent wings, the Daytona store is consistently pretty good. I enjoyed my calorie overload.

On a sexist note, I have to say the quality of the waitresses at Hooters is declining. Let’s face it, guys go there to look at cute young women in tight uniforms. Hooters used to bring its absolute A-list team to Daytona for biker events. I’m not seeing it anymore. Maybe they just can’t enlist the same girls in the catalogs to actually slop wings around to tables. My server (Whitney) was pretty nice and she was cute, but I wouldn’t say I had the best service I’ve ever experienced. I generally had to yell out her name when I wanted something.

Pretty in Pink

Use Alternate Routes in Daytona

Leaving Hooters to head toward Main Street was a pain in the ass for most people. Traffic was backed up on International Speedway. That’s because most bikers in town only know about four or five roads in Daytona and never look at a map. Rather than slogging for the next hour or so in traffic, I took a left on Bill France over to Mason and was at Beach Street within a few minutes. That’s when I remembered to be thankful for idiots. Let them line up in traffic and leave the other streets open for me to use.

Of course, there’s not much you can do about Main Street. I considered just going over the Mason Bridge and then sliding over to Main Street, but it’s Biketoberfest. You have to ride over the drawbridge. It seemed good at the time, until I got in the line of traffic going over the bridge. Then I realized I was no better than any of the other fucking idiots doing the same thing. Pedestrians walking over the bridge were leaving me in the dust.

Owning a Motorcycle Does Not Qualify You to Ride a Motorcycle

The two bikes in front of me were evidence that anyone can ride a motorcycle, but that doesn’t mean they can ride it very well. The guy would start to move and then suddenly stop hard, even though there was room in front of him. As usual, I started cussing to myself wondering what this dumb son of a bitch was doing. After a few times, I finally had to ask him, “Why the fuck are you stopping like that?”

He complained that his hand hurt from holding the clutch. Moron. I suggested to him that he could shift into neutral and just coast a bit rather than slamming on the brakes. That way he’d get some relief for his hand and I wouldn’t have a surprise sudden stop. The look on his face was like he just discovered ice cream. Moron.

Not All Nudity is Good Nudity

A lot of the traffic going over the bridge was distracted by a topless woman holding a protest. First, I didn’t get a picture of her because I was on my bike in stop & go traffic. Second, I didn’t get a picture of her because she was just an old, fat, ugly bitch with a nasty tattoo on her left titty.

[box type="warning"]The women you see walking around topless at biker events are not the women you want to see walking around topless.[/box]

Once I got across the bridge, I discovered something elusive that I’ve never been able to find after several years of attending Daytona biker events – an open parking space on the sidewalk. Fuck these assholes who want $5 parking. For the first time in my life, I’m getting free parking!

Nothing is free

The price of parking on the sidewalk was to turn left in front of a seemingly endless stream of traffic and back-in, over the curb, to get on the sidewalk next to the other bikes. I managed my U-turn and got to the side, waited for an opening in the traffic, and then some helpful soul decided to allow traffic from another parking lot to come right at me as I started backing into my open spot. I think it took ten minutes just to park there. I passed the time with more cussing. Still, I finally nailed a free spot.

Down on Main Street

I made my way up to Boot Hill & Main Street Station. Bonnie is still serving beers out front, she still has great thighs, but she was wearing a mask to cover up what is increasingly an aging face. Once inside of Boot Hill, it was the usual cluster-fuck. I tend to like long-sleeve, extra-large shirts. Guess what? So does every other fat fuck at Biketoberfest and they got there while I was still up in D.C. on Thursday. Of the choices I liked, none were available. I still bought one that didn’t have any freaking skulls or skeletons on it and headed back to my bike. I saw no purpose in fighting my way through crowded sidewalks on Main Street. I’ll save that for Bike Week in the Spring.

Boot Hill

Leaving Main Street behind, I rode along the river to SR-40 and then slipped over to U.S. 1. It wasn’t too bad until it was suddenly jammed with traffic, but that’s expected in this area. I pulled over to a parking lot run by Boy Scouts who were raising funds. If I have to pay $5 for parking, I’d rather give it to some Scouts than anyone else. I used to be a Scout (Eagle, so you know I’m good), so I can appreciate the fact that they only get the money they raise and they work for it.

Main Street Traffic

Iron Horse is essentially a big dirt pit filled with old white people standing around drinking beer and listening to shitty music. I do mean shitty, too. There was some heavy-metal thrash band playing that most of these fuckers would detest if they weren’t already on their 23rd beer. Of course, there is a reason why I like hanging out with these people. The first is that I genuinely love the sound of motorcycles. Not just Harley’s, mind you, but all motorcycles. I’ve ridden damn near every kind of bike and enjoyed them all. The other reason is because there are a lot of folks that look like this guy:

The Demographic

With folks this fat around, I look pretty damn good.

We Came for the T-Shirts

Once again, I went on the hunt for t-shirts. Once again, the first one I found was sold-out in the size I wanted. Some guy behind me said it’s because women like to wear them as sleepwear. I said I thought it was just because most bikers were fat. The conversation seemed to come to a natural conclusion after my revelation. I ended up asking a woman working there for some help, and she proceeded to show me all the “really nice” shirts with flames, skulls, and all the usual crap that I don’t want to see on my clothing. I thanked her for her time and tossed those shirts back into the bin for someone else to fold because I was juggling too many shirts that she’d handed me before she left. Fortunately, I found a few that I liked and left.

Since U.S. 1 is one of the few roads that bikers know, I decided to avoid it and took off over to Nova. It had the advantage of eliminating traffic and passing a Dairy Queen for my beloved Oreo Blizzard. Between all the calories from that and the previous meal at Hooters, I was skipping anything that resembled a healthy and nutritious dinner. I headed home in the sunset on I-95 and I-4, concluding my day at Biketoberfest. That ought to last me until the Spring.