Forest Gump was right. Life is like a box of chocolates; you never know what you’re going to get.  I was out today exploring Seminole Harley-Davidson for Bike Week activities and I ran across a wrestling match.  I’m not sure what the correlation is between bikers and wrestlers, except that bikers make for a good audience at wrestling matches.

At any rate, I decided to capture this on my iPhone and I’m glad that I did.  That said, don’t expect perfect video.  The sun glare kept me from seeing what was on the screen part of the time, it shakes more than a Russian hooker and my thumb is in the way part of the time.  There’s even partial nudity, if you watch closely enough.  Still, it was some cheesy fun for ten minutes and I thought I’d share.  You’re welcome.

1: You are training for or participating in a bicycle or triathlon event.
2: You want to see the water tower.

I’ve added a photo of it to spare some of you from experiencing the sheer misery of driving to Clermont. Seriously, this place sucks. The roads are old, the drivers are stupid and there is nothing remarkable about this patch of land. If you’ve seen Walmart, Panera Bread and 7-11, then there is nothing exotic beyond those types of common chain businesses to see.

Before the place got overbuilt with cheap housing and mediocre businesses, this was actually a beautiful part of the state. It had lush, green rolling hills with beautiful views. Now those views are clogged with box-like buildings, most of which are beige. You know a place is really rockin’ if it’s beige. All the cool places are beige. Clermont traded green hills for beige boxes.

Clermont still has nice hills and is a great place for bicyclists, but most of the people clogging the roads at rush hour aren’t here for the exercise.
More likely, they came for cheap housing. Sadly, they didn’t factor in the cost of their commute to Orlando for work, because there is no discernable industry here beyond servicing bikes, being a clerk, or using heavy machinery to clog the roads. I’ve seen more dump trucks in Clermont than any other part of the state. This is where dump trucks come to mate and create more dump trucks, which in turn block anyone who wants to step on the fucking gas pedal to get somewhere before the next millennium.

So why did I venture out into this suburban wasteland? Believe it or not, it was related to exercise. I’m not interested in cycling up and down Thrill Hill, so I’m trading in my road bike for a spinning bike. I’ll get my exercise thrills in air conditioning from now on, and the fine folks at South Lake Bicycles had a Schwinn spinning bike for sale. It’s not part of their usual thing, but it worked out for me. The owner, Mark Marshall, bought it used from someone who decided he didn’t want it anymore. My friend Niki somehow learned about it from Mark at a recent triathlon, and she knows that I’m in the market for one. In turn, I’m selling my road bike to her husband. The way this all worked out, I’m saving money buying locally, Mark is happy to sell the spinner, and I’m not charging Niki as much for my bike because I don’t have to cover the cost of buying & shipping a spinner out of state.

Confused? So am I, but suffice it to say that we all got what we wanted for less money than we thought. If you’re going to be in Clermont anyway for the outstanding cycling opportunities, then get to know the folks at South Lake Bicycles. They’ve been involved in competition cycling for years and are really friendly people. It’s worth a stop just to check out the place.

Outside of cycling, stay home. I’ve been to Clermont and suffered for you. You’ve seen the water tower. Spare yourself the trip out here. It’s not worth it.

Spanning the globe to bring you the constant variety of sport…

The thrill of victory…

The agony of defeat…

The human drama of athletic competition…

This is Orlando’s Wide World of Sports!

I first attended the Muddy Buddy and the Danskin Triathlon events last year due to my friends (below) competing in them and decided to go again this year. Let’s face it, I’m not a big sports fan. In fact, I can’t think of anything more annoying than the voice of a sports announcer. Fortunately, it’s easier to tune those voices out of your head when you’re actually at a competitive event. It gets even easier when you concentrate on photographing the event. I took over 1500 shots at the Muddy Buddy and about 500 at the Danskin Triathlon.

Both events start too damn early (7:00 am and 6:00 am respectively) and I had to wake up two hours before start time each day so I could get ready, make the drive down to Disney, and be there about a half hour before the start.

One thing that amazes me is how people find each other at these events. The Muddy Buddy had 2800 competitors. That’s more than enough people, but then you have to add in all of their supporters. Let’s just say it makes for some interesting traffic and crowds. Despite all of that, I still managed to find my friends before the race. Normally, you’d think that a couple of girls dressed up like chickens in bright yellow would stand out, but not at the Muddy Buddy. People are encouraged to wear some interesting costumes.

The Danskin Triathlon kicks off in Orlando every year on Mother’s Day at the Magic Kingdom. In some ways, I’m less thrilled about this one than the Muddy Buddy. They do far more to restrict the spectators and it’s nearly impossible to get a decent photograph without part of someone’s head or hand in the way. This year, one woman who finished the race decided to stand right in front of me before the finish line so she could High Five the other competitors as they neared the end. Not only did I wish she’d get out of the way of my photos, but she also confused many of the competitors into thinking that they’d already finished the race when the end was still 10 yards away. More than once the crowd had to tell those women that it wasn’t over yet. They still have to run over the mat to record their finish time electronically. Basically, this nice old woman screwed over everyone with her enthusiasm.

Still, you can’t help but admire the people who compete. Keep in mind that the vast majority of these folks aren’t Olympic or Iron Man competitors. They’re your friends and neighbors. They may be old, fat or physically disabled. Some of the fastest competitors in both races were amputees. Maria Katz hopped into the water on one foot for her swim, she rode her bike without a prosthesis, and then she raced to the finish with her prosthesis. Here’s the part that amazes me. Her swim time was faster than a friend of mine who won first place in her age group.

This is why I don’t really care about professional sports. Those guys are just paid to put butts in the seats. They don’t have another day job. They’re literally at the top of their game and have every advantage to be there. The folks I saw this weekend were just like you and me. Some of them are incredible athletes, but all of them got off their ass long enough to work up a sweat and have a good time. You have to admire those folks.

Here’s how it all unfolded. The Orlando Magic sold the rights to televise their games. Unfortunately for fans, those rights did not include any stipulation that the games would get aired locally. FSN Florida bought the rights to the Magic games. About a week or so ago, FSN made a deal with Dish and DirectTV to broadcast Orlando Magic games.

Bright House already carries Sun Sports, which has rights to broadcast 40 Magic games that will air on the cable provider’s networks. Bright House would like to add FSN for its Sports Tier, which would add to the cost for subscribers. FSN doesn’t want to be part of a tier, it wants to be in the overall channel line-up available to all Bright House subscribers. Bright House claims, correctly, that doing so would raise the cost of service.

So it comes down to whether a few Magic fans are willing to pay more to watch those games at home on a Sports Tier, or whether Bright House will raise the subscriber cost to ALL of its customers in order to carry the Orlando Magic games. After all, you know Bright House isn’t going to take the hit on that expense without passing it along one way or another.

Personally, I don’t care one bit about watching sports. Maybe it’d be different if I attended a college and had some vested interest in the game. Otherwise, what’s the point? It’s entertainment, nothing more. There’s no way I’d want to pay a higher cable cost so Oprah fans could watch additional content, and I think the same thing about the Magic fans. If you want it, pay for it. Here’s another idea. Buy a ticket and go watch the game in person. I’m not totally convinced that concept didn’t enter the minds of the Orlando Magic administration when they sold the rights without a guarantee to have games air locally, but that’s just my own speculation.

Now the town is full of sports fans whining that they can’t watch their games at home on TV. Some will abandon Bright House and buy a satellite service. Others will end up going out to Hooters or Ale House to drown their complaints in pitchers of beer while yelling at the TV set. That’s all fine with me. Just don’t raise my cost in order to provide for these folks.

Pretty soon, they’re going to be glad to get out of the house and have a beer, anyway. The writers strike is about to end the soap opera shows, so there are going to be some cranky housewives pretty soon.

What a crock.

How does this prepare our children for reality? I think people need incentive to try to improve. If they get a reward regardless of effort (not talent) applied, then it’s kind of meaningless. Accomplishment feels good if you worked for it, not if someone gave it to you just for showing up.

In my first year of Little League at 8 years old, I sucked. Parents would groan when I came up to bat because they knew I’d strike out. I sucked right up to my last time at bat in the last game, when I nailed a grounder to left field for a triple and knocked in the winning runs at the bottom of the ninth. That felt great. However, I wasn’t put on the post-season All-Star team because, quite frankly, I sucked for most of the year.

Next year, I was the power hitter for our team. Parents who groaned the year before started cheering when I walked up to bat. I even made the All-Star team after that year.

To me, that’s America. You earn your opportunities because there isn’t a prize for everyone. Who would’ve ever thought that Communists would now beat us at instilling this sense of competition?