If there’s one way to tell it’s Father’s Day, it’s to try and go out to lunch. Nearly every restaurant becomes a clusterfuck affair on these Halmark Holidays, and today was no different. I was in the mood for the chicken sandwich at Houston’s in Winter Park (a place that is slowly changing it’s name to Hillstone’s). I put on my finest cargo shorts and camp shirt, drove down, and ran smack into the problem. Valets. Half the parking lot was blocked off for valet parking, which meant the free side was jammed by people who didn’t want to tip a valet. That’s where I belonged, because I damn sure don’t need some kid to park my car so I can tip him five bucks after having a chicken sandwich. There were several cars ahead of me waiting on the valets, so I decided to ditch the place and do without my beloved chicken sandwich. There’s a time and place for valet service, but this isn’t it.
I’m not a father. It’s not that I have anything against kids or that I don’t want to have kids. It’s just that I’d prefer to have a wife before I go into fatherhood. Call me old fashioned. Until such a wife comes along, my sexual escapades will merely count as practice. To be honest, I think I’d make a great Dad. That’s because I don’t really fall into the stereotypes that most people use to make their way through life without giving any actual thought to the matters at hand. For example, take sports. It’s great if you’re participating. Not only is it good exercise, but there’s a social development aspect that helps shape a child’s life in many positive ways. Now consider the sports fan. That’s basically a matter of sitting on a couch, drinking beer and eating fatty foods while yelling at players who can’t hear you and don’t even represent you. It annoys the hell out of me when I hear people talk about the Orlando Magic, for example, as “my team.” When did you ever take the court? If the Magic win, do we get any benefit at all? Hell, no. It doesn’t affect my property values or taxes, so it’s really just there for entertainment value.
I digress.
Fathers can be great people to have around. Every kid should have one. I can say the same thing about mothers, but it’s not her day. Perhaps that’s why I’m slightly annoyed when I read notes on Twitter today that wish a “Happy Father’s Day to all the single moms out there.” I asked one of them if they posted “Happy Mother’s Day to all the single dads out there.” Naturally, they did not. The inference is that Moms are the real heros while Dads are merely sperm donors. It’s sad, but there are deadbeats from both sexes. It must be rough to be a single parent whether you’re a man or a woman, so let’s not prop up one sex over the other. Both mothers and fathers are very important to a child’s life. That’s why we honor both of them with their own day. It’s not much, when you think about it, so let’s not take it down a level just because you have a Y chromosome.
My own father passed away almost eight years ago, so I really don’t get to celebrate the day anymore. I suppose I could impregnate someone to get a free lunch one day a year, but I’m holding out for a better offer. When the time comes, I’ll look forward to sharing some of the same insights that my father shared with me. I want to have that moment where I’m pushing the bike along and let go…watching my child realize that he or she is in control. I think that epitomizes parenthood to me – preparing your child to make their way through the world without you. Happy Father’s Day, guys.