Orlando Local

Jedi Temple of Doom

Bill — Fri, 27 Aug 2010 20:24:52 +0000

I shot this waiting for a show to start. Disney had a party called “Last Tour to Endor” during the Star Wars Celebration V event. One of the big draws to the party was a change to the old Indiana Jones show. They did a nice job of creating a mash-up between the two trilogies – Star Wars and Indiana Jones.

Even though I’ve had a Disney World Annual Pass for a few years, I’ve never seen the Indiana Jones show, so I never knew about this set. I wasn’t even sure if the shot would come out. This was just a snap from the stands at ISO 6400, so it’s not going to be the sharpest photo I ever took. Even so, I loved the creepy vibe of the set. Maybe I can get a chance to go back sometime, between shows, and make some high quality shots with a tripod to keep things steady and reduce the ISO. Disney probably won’t let me, but it never hurts to ask.

The Star Wars Celebration V Review

Bill — Wed, 18 Aug 2010 14:44:42 +0000

Star Wars Celebration V ran at the Orange County Convention Center from August 12-15. Literally, an army of geeks descended upon our fair little town. The 501st Legion (Vader’s Fist) is a fan organization that creates replicas of the costumes shown in the Star Wars movies and wears them damn near anywhere they want. Many of the uniforms are most impressive. A few look a little less than impressive, and then there are the variations. You see Storm Troopers wearing kilts. You see a Storm Trooper wearing a fez. You see a guy in a suit wearing a Storm Trooper helmet. You get the idea. Then there are the fans who dress up on the other side of the Star Wars fence – the Jedi. Those costumes range from elaborate to a drunken guy in a brown bathrobe. Many of these folks carry light sabers and when the two sides meet, they perform the ceremonial banging of the sticks. At least, that was my impression.

So just who is the average fan in the Star Wars universe? According to my observation, they’re somewhat overweight and pushing baby strollers.

They also have poor hearing. I attribute this observation to the fact that they yell at each other – often right in my ear – across great distances. They yell LOUD AS FUCK at each other. Despite the ear-shattering volume of their voices, they often have to repeat and yell SEVERAL times to get the attention of the person who needs to hear this important message. Again, all of this yelling occurs right in my ear, as if the message could pass through my head and out the other ear to the intended recipient. That’s why I think they have poor hearing. It takes about five times to yell the same message – in my ear – before someone turns around and responds.

However, you can’t really stereotype all of the fans. Adrianne Curry is a fan and she came ready to play in Princess Leia’s slave costume.

She was posing with a fan when I grabbed this shot from a distance (ask me about my LONG lens). At the time, I didn’t know who she was, but one of my objectives for this trip was to get some good portraits of a girl in a Slave Leia costume. I was trying to make my way over to ask her for a photo, but I couldn’t get there. Too many other fans were in the way, often stopping for no apparent reason and it was just impossible to get through the sea of people in time before she left. I was about twenty feet away when she disappeared, so that was the end of my opportunity. I did get some action shots of her in at the Disney show – Indiana Jones and the Jedi Temple of Doom – but those were shot from the stands and not quite the portrait I hoped to get. I’ll say one thing, though. This girl is fit from top to bottom. Unfortunately, some drunken dude tried molesting her at the Rosen when she got back there about 3:00 am or so. Welcome to Orlando.

Most of the show floor was full of booths trying to sell something. Some of the major players included Hasbro, Lego, Disney, and Sirius was broadcasting from its own booth. If it was related to Star Wars, you could buy it – right down to the toaster that leaves an impression of Darth Vader’s helmet on your white bread. You want a light saber? They had those, too.

The things that really impressed me were the full-sized sets created by fans. There was a full-sized TIE Interceptor, a copy of the inside of the Millenium Falcon and the back door to the Imperial Base on Endor. Put some characters in front of these sets built by some Belgian fans and you have a great place to take portraits. That is, if you can battle for space against the other hundred people trying to take pictures with their children on those sets, or the guys who walk right in front of your camera so they can stick their cell phone out for “one quick shot.” Blast him!

As I told you, I suffer for my readers. This experience was no different. I like Star Wars, but I’m never going to dress up for it. I also don’t know every little detail and don’t feel like being challenged for nerd superiority. Some of the conversations I overheard just left me shaking my head. They ranged from the philosophy of Light vs. Dark side of the force, whether Han shot first (we all know he did), and the inevitable trivia challenges. These broke out as often as the ceremonial banging of the sticks. What amazed me is that people knew the answers to questions like:

How many body parts were cut off by a light saber in the first trilogy?
When the Millenium Falcon landed in the cloud city of Bespin, what was the docking port number?
What was the name of the medical droid who delivered the twins Luke & Leia?

The people who attended seemed to be having fun. It was their version of Nerd-vana. In my mind, it was overpriced, overcrowded and overhyped. Then again, I’m not really the target audience. There is no way in the world I would travel to see this event again if it were held outside of Orlando the next time it happens in three years.

Will Star Wars Celebration VI happen in Orlando? Hard to see, the future is. There was definitely rumor about it during this event. Orlando makes sense as a tourist destination. We have plenty of convention space, hotel rooms and Disney World is definitely on-board with the Star Wars theme. They had Jedi Mickey at the show and a new MK-D2 droid (with mouse ears) for the event. Disney hosts Star Wars Weekends every year and has part of its Hollywood Studios park setup with the Star Tours ride and other events. Orlando does seem like a reasonable home. However, rumors are just that and I’ve never heard or read anything official that Lucas is going to bring the event back here. Time will tell.

If it does come back, I don’t know if I’ll return. While I was out there trudging through the fans, sweltering in the August heat and wondering why people were dressed up as the Mario Brothers with light sabers I swore that I would never do this again. Honestly, it’s a pain in the ass to lug the camera bag out there and fight the Storm Troopers with strollers just to try and get a decent shot. In three years time, I may have a different attitude. No way in hell will I ever do the whole four days. If I go again, I just need to make sure I have a better opportunity to get a picture of Adrianne Curry in her slave Leia costume. That could be worth it.

Last Tour to Endor Dance Party

Bill — Sun, 15 Aug 2010 12:50:24 +0000

OK, I’ve had my fill of Star Wars Celebration and the Last Tour to Endor party at Disney’s Hollywood Studios. I have a boatload of photos to process and I’ll get busy working on this to share this week. For the mean time, I recall that I wondered how Star Wars geeks cut loose. Well, now I know.

The Line Dance begins

Jedi Jump On It

Last Dance…

Norah Jones Concert

Bill — Wed, 11 Aug 2010 18:56:45 +0000

Norah Jones brought her tour to the Bob Carr Performing Arts Centre Tuesday evening for a mostly mellow 90 minute show. Relying heavily on her most recent album – The Fall – Jones hit the right tone with strong vocals and excellent performances by the band. Some of the early songs were slightly more aggressive than the recorded version on her albums, but they rarely ventured out of the arrangements heard on the recording, with a few exceptions. Jones performed a couple of songs solo on her upright piano, including and ode to her dog (described as a very manly poodle) called “Man of the House” and a rousing guitar solo by Stormy Hormel.

Switching from a Fender Mustang electric guitar in center stage, Jones addressed both ends of the stage with performances on her Wurlitzer electric piano on the orchestra left side and upright piano on the right. The only sour part of the performance was a poorly tuned microphone by the electric piano that marred her sultry voice by making it sound tinny and always on the edge of distortion.

The night ended with an acoustic encore with all the performers around a single microphone. Jones started with a toy baby grand piano (which she played surprisingly well, given its size) that reminded me of Schroeder’s piano in Peanuts cartoons.

The opening act, Elvis Perkins, seemed likable despite some of the most depressing songs I’ve ever heard. “Stay Zombie, Stay” and “Doomsday” were among is titles. The opening number serenaded the audience with lyrics including “black is the color of human blood.” While the songs were depressing, most of the audience adopted him as comic relief and even started rallying along one song by clapping in time.

As much as I enjoyed the show, I’m not that fond of Bob Carr as a venue. That’s because the only way to get to the center seats is to approach from the left or the right. An endless parade scooted past my knees as they went to their seats, back out for a trip to the bathroom, back to their seats, out to get a drink, etc. You get the idea. My knees became quite friendly with a lot of strangers because I got tired of standing up for everyone who needed to get in or out. Why is it the people in the center seats always arrive late when the performance is happening and want to leave early before it’s over? These people should get aisle seats.

Despite a few nits with the sound on one mic and the venue itself, the concert made for an enjoyable night out. Concerts are as much a visual feast as an auditory experience. Upon entering, most people noticed it was quite hazy in the theater. That haze provided a nice texture for the lighting, particularly the spotlights on Jones solo performance at the piano.

Jones interaction with the crowd seemed tenuous at first, not speaking until after three songs when she sheepishly thanked the audience for their applause. As the night moved on, her comfort seemed to grow and she mentioned that she enjoyed the back & forth conversation. She talked about spending the previous day at Disney World and screaming on the rollercoaster rides, which she admitted probably wasn’t the best thing to do before you sing for a living. Still, her voice was strong and well received by the Orlando audience.

Star Wars Celebration is Coming

Bill — Sat, 07 Aug 2010 14:59:08 +0000

Next week, Star Wars Celebration graces our little community. I enjoy Star Wars (and also Star Trek), but I’m not a rabid Sci-Fi fan. I’ve never dressed up as my favorite character. I’m not even sure that I have a favorite character. I don’t own a toy light saber. When the first Star Wars movie came out, my mother bought me the book and I told her it looked stupid. Suffice it to say that going to something like Star Wars Celebration isn’t my kind of event. So, naturally, I just bought a ticket to visit for a day.

I’ve only been to one Sci-Fi convention before. That was a MegaCon event at the Orange County Convention Center earlier this year. It was crowded with a plethora of people who didn’t understand the concept of bathing. Seriously, some of these people had some nasty body odor. The aisle were crowded, you couldn’t take a full stride and there was no escape. Blubbery fans stinking up the place were trapped pressing against each other between booths selling mundane crap vaguely related to various Sci-Fi movies, shows and comic books. Occasionally, a battle of the dorks would break out.

Why am I going? I suffer for you, dear readers. Granted, I don’t suffer for you very often, but the depth of my suffering makes up for it. Twice enduring a Sci-Fi convention in the same year ought to earn me some serious brownie points. If not, I should at least get a shot of tequila for my efforts. Mostly, though, I’m going out of morbid curiosity. I understand these Star Wars Celebrations only happen about every three years and, to my knowledge, this is the first time it’s being held in Orlando. Some of the sharper knobs around here have noticed that the city’s name contains the letters in one of the characters, so they want to change the city name to just “Lando.” Yeah, that’s charming. That would take some pressure off Topeka, Kansas. Those dolts changed their name to Google for a day in a shameless plug to whore themselves out for free Wi-Fi. Orlando wouldn’t even have a chance to get that much from changing its name. Even people in Akron would have a good right to make fun of us if we changed the name, so it’ll probably happen.

Orlando is no stranger to Star Wars, though. Disney’s Hollywood Studios has an annual Star Wars Weekend event in June. In addition to the sweltering heat during that time of year, the place is rife with Star Wars characters, events for kids, visits from some of the actors in the movies, and, of course, Wookies.

Have you ever smelled a sweaty Wookie? It’s not pleasant. Like I said, I suffer for you. At least, I’ll suffer for part of a day for you. I’m not going to take off from work on Thursday or Friday. The first part of my Saturday involves a photoshoot of bikini models at a local pool. That’s not suffering for you. That part is just for me. After that, and a nice lunch, I’ll spend a few hours fighting traffic, parking, crowds and possibly Wookies at the convention center just for you. You’re welcome. The only part of this that would be for me is a chance to run into Princess Leia. I hope she’s wearing the metal bikini.

Happy Independence Day

Bill — Sun, 04 Jul 2010 15:49:43 +0000

If you live in the United States, I hope you’re enjoying this Independence Day. If you don’t live here, let me summarize the event. In order to celebrate our Declaration of Independence in 1776, citizens of the USA celebrate with high explosives, charred animal flesh, and alcoholic beverages – usually all at the same time. We like it when our Independence Day falls on a weekend, since that allows us to stretch out the celebration a bit.

Here in Central Florida, there are a number of fireworks shows over the weekend. We also have quite a bit of heavy rain this time of year. Last night was no exception, though the fireworks went off at Crane’s Roost in Altamonte Springs, FL. Tonight, there are fireworks shows in my home town of Sanford, and also at Lake Eola in Orlando.

I’m always amazed at the crowds that gather for these events. I think one news report estimated 180,000 people for fireworks in Crane’s Roost last night. That’s just a swarm of drunken humanity. Quite honestly, I don’t really care for crowds like that. Getting there isn’t quite so bad. People filter in at different times to stake out their spot. However, they all leave at pretty much the same time, creating a cluster-fuck of traffic and frayed nerves.

The night before, I was at the Magic Kingdom at Disney World to photograph fireworks over Cinderella’s Castle. I haven’t been there in many years, so I was surprised by the crowd. However, what surprised me the most was trying to get out of there at the same time as everyone else. I overheard one women tell her friend, “Go ahead and knock them over. It doesn’t matter how many people you kill, they can only electrocute you once.” Charming sentiments from a charming lady, I’m sure. That’s one of the reasons I like to avoid crowds – some people just don’t have the patience to realize you can’t just escape. You have to wait for the bumbling masses to find their way.

I’m pretty sure that I’m not going to make it to Lake Eola tonight, but I may find a spot in Sanford or even try EPCOT for fireworks. High explosives are high explosives. The trick is to find one near some decent food and drink and a comfortable place to watch.

Blight Me

Bill — Thu, 24 Jun 2010 00:39:14 +0000

The numbers came out today for the largest decline in the housing market in at least four decades. Sales of single family homes dropped by 32.7%, according to the U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development. Part of the blame was cast upon the expiration of a tax credit for home buyers. Demand for home loans, as one would expect, has dramatically declined. People with existing homes that are under water are abandoning their houses and leaving them to be reclaimed by nature as weeds and other growth takes over. Municipal governments and homeowner’s associations are strained in their resources to clean up these eye-sores. To be honest, this is nothing new.

What is new is that the Mormons and Walt Disney both think this is an excellent time to start new housing development projects. I’d like to call them morons, but as we shall see, greater minds than mine have insight to the housing market and local economy.

The Mormons want to build Innovation Way East, which will include homes and shops near the planned medical and research centers that moved closer to Lake Nona, rather than be a part of Innovation Way. If you recall, Innovation Way was supposed to be Orlando’s “high tech corridor.” That fell apart when the afore-mentioned medical and research buildings moved away and the developers who wanted to bring high tech jobs to Orlando decided it would be more profitable to build warehouses. We all know how much more warehouse workers make than high tech employees, so this was considered “progress.”

Part of the argument for housing development in Innovation Way is that it will create jobs. Sure. You’ll need a plethora of engineers and construction workers to plan and develop the place. Just like any other project, it’s short-term. Development projects don’t last forever, so these are not sustainable jobs. Assuming that all goes as planned and the 6,343 new houses are built, then what? I’m sure some of them will get sold to new residents moving here to work in the International Corporate Park (whatever the hell that is) or the Medical City. Some local folks may also want to move there to be closer to their jobs. Of course, those locals will leave an empty apartment or existing home, so that’s not really growth. What happens to the rest of the thousands of available homes in the Central Florida area, some of which are in Avalon Park and other communities very close to the “high tech corridor?” Hint: see photo above. That’s what we’ll get out of the new development project – abandoned homes with an abundance of overgrowth.

Commissioner Bill Segal invoked high tech jobs as reason to approve the development project, stating how it would fuel economic growth in the region. Tell me, Bill. How many high tech employees are working in those warehouses right now? Hindsight is a convenience that does not burden our elected officials. Well, that’s not totally true. The plan faced a vote today and it didn’t get approved. The vote was 3-3. All of the county commissioners who are running for Mayor voted for the project and those who aren’t voted against the project. Since Mildred Fernandez hasn’t been replaced (she would’ve voted to approve), the deal is a stalemate. Once she’s replaced, we’ll find out if that commissioner can be bought as easily as Fernandez (or so the charges against her would indicate). The politicians who voted for the project need to make claims about supporting growth, creating jobs, and all the other bullshit we’ve come to expect from people on the campaign trail. The other commissioners likely saw that this new development would continue the blight in their own districts, and therefore had no incentive to vote for it.

The other brain trust that sees our current market as an excellent time to plan a new housing development is Walt Disney. The entertainment giant announced this morning it had plans to create Golden Oak (presumably, they could only afford one tree), a collection of vacation homes ranging in price from $1.5 to $8 Million. Disney claimed Golden Oak is not another housing development like Celebration, but is intended to be vacation housing for families visiting Disney.

Of course. I know that I always stay in multi-million dollar homes when I travel, particularly to theme parks full of screaming kids. After you get that sunburn while roaming around and sweating in the theme parks, you really need a place with its own home theater room and a gold-plated bidet. Orlando has really been waiting for such a concept. I’m surprised it doesn’t already exist. Vice President of Disney Real Estate Development, Matt Kelly, said, “The affluent market is an area where we haven’t offered a lot of product.”

Translation: since the average Joe can’t afford to visit in this economy, we see an opportunity to fleece the extra-wealthy. I admit, there is a certain charm to that logic. It’s hard for me to get upset by this development project. The risk belongs to Disney. The homes won’t steal from the existing market, where the average price is roughly $250K, well under the $1.5 million price for the Golden Oak slums. It’ll create some local jobs, even if only temporarily, and our criminals will have a new place to prey upon unsuspecting tourists, as these people won’t be wandering around International Drive.

For the rest of us, get used to seeing weeds in your neighborhood. Neither our elected or business leaders seem to have a plan to help the whole community. We’re on our own.

Father’s Day

Bill — Sun, 20 Jun 2010 20:58:34 +0000

Happy Father’s Day

If there’s one way to tell it’s Father’s Day, it’s to try and go out to lunch. Nearly every restaurant becomes a clusterfuck affair on these Halmark Holidays, and today was no different. I was in the mood for the chicken sandwich at Houston’s in Winter Park (a place that is slowly changing it’s name to Hillstone’s). I put on my finest cargo shorts and camp shirt, drove down, and ran smack into the problem. Valets. Half the parking lot was blocked off for valet parking, which meant the free side was jammed by people who didn’t want to tip a valet. That’s where I belonged, because I damn sure don’t need some kid to park my car so I can tip him five bucks after having a chicken sandwich. There were several cars ahead of me waiting on the valets, so I decided to ditch the place and do without my beloved chicken sandwich. There’s a time and place for valet service, but this isn’t it.

I’m not a father. It’s not that I have anything against kids or that I don’t want to have kids. It’s just that I’d prefer to have a wife before I go into fatherhood. Call me old fashioned. Until such a wife comes along, my sexual escapades will merely count as practice. To be honest, I think I’d make a great Dad. That’s because I don’t really fall into the stereotypes that most people use to make their way through life without giving any actual thought to the matters at hand. For example, take sports. It’s great if you’re participating. Not only is it good exercise, but there’s a social development aspect that helps shape a child’s life in many positive ways. Now consider the sports fan. That’s basically a matter of sitting on a couch, drinking beer and eating fatty foods while yelling at players who can’t hear you and don’t even represent you. It annoys the hell out of me when I hear people talk about the Orlando Magic, for example, as “my team.” When did you ever take the court? If the Magic win, do we get any benefit at all? Hell, no. It doesn’t affect my property values or taxes, so it’s really just there for entertainment value.

I digress.

Fathers can be great people to have around. Every kid should have one. I can say the same thing about mothers, but it’s not her day. Perhaps that’s why I’m slightly annoyed when I read notes on Twitter today that wish a “Happy Father’s Day to all the single moms out there.” I asked one of them if they posted “Happy Mother’s Day to all the single dads out there.” Naturally, they did not. The inference is that Moms are the real heros while Dads are merely sperm donors. It’s sad, but there are deadbeats from both sexes. It must be rough to be a single parent whether you’re a man or a woman, so let’s not prop up one sex over the other. Both mothers and fathers are very important to a child’s life. That’s why we honor both of them with their own day. It’s not much, when you think about it, so let’s not take it down a level just because you have a Y chromosome.

My own father passed away almost eight years ago, so I really don’t get to celebrate the day anymore. I suppose I could impregnate someone to get a free lunch one day a year, but I’m holding out for a better offer. When the time comes, I’ll look forward to sharing some of the same insights that my father shared with me. I want to have that moment where I’m pushing the bike along and let go…watching my child realize that he or she is in control. I think that epitomizes parenthood to me – preparing your child to make their way through the world without you. Happy Father’s Day, guys.

How Did You Celebrate Memorial Day?

Bill — Mon, 31 May 2010 23:15:26 +0000

Traffic Jam Memorial

I heard that 32 Million people would travel in the United States over the holiday weekend. You can see a photo of all of them above, jamming up I-4 and keeping me from getting to my house on Saturday afternoon. It was a dead stop with cops and fire trucks and stupid people trying to slip around them when it was pretty clear they wanted us all to stop. My fellow Americans, some of you are selfish morons. It’s not worth risking someone else’s life just so you can get to the beach.

If there’s anything I’ve learned about Memorial Day, it’s that this holiday has the sound of a cash register to our law enforcement community. Every year, they claim to have a “crackdown” on speeders with zero tolerance. Altamonte Springs was particularly vicious about patrolling 436, which is why I decided to boycott the entire community this year. I don’t want to give my business to a community that can’t keep its law enforcement officers in check. Zero tolerance makes for a good sound bite, but it’s stupid. One of the cornerstones of our criminal justice system is that police officers have discretion. Preventing the cop at the scene from using his or her discretion doesn’t help our safety. It’s just a grab for money. Pure and simple, speeding crackdowns are about the money. They may have started out of concern for safety, but those days are long since gone. Chasing cars down a busy 436 for going a couple miles over the limit (zero tolerance, remember?) is not in the interest of public safety.

True to their claims, I saw plenty of cops along I-4 running down speeders. The Seminole County Sheriff’s Office definitely made use of its new motorcycles. The Florida Highway Patrol was quite visible, also. I wonder what they do with the money they collect from these special “zero tolerance crackdowns.” Maybe that’s how they got the new motorcycles.

Sanford was the only local community that seemed to have a parade to honor our veterans. Most other communities declared they didn’t have the money to put on the parade, fund the police (who were busy raising funds by issuing tickets), and basically made other excuses. A number of people decided to celebrate by giving up their own lives in the name of stupidity. A guy jumped off a boat in Lake Underhill and drowned. An Orlando man visiting Miami jumped off a bridge and died on impact. Boaters in Ponce Inlet decided to crash into each other, killing two people, including a woman who was reported to be nine months pregnant. Others decided to visit the same places (beaches, attractions, etc.) and suffered in the Florida heat and crowds. Some of my friends went to Las Vegas to deal with the crowds and stifling heat there.

My own take on the holiday weekend is to relax near home. Get some things done and stay out of the way. I had dinner with friends by Lake Eola one night, lunch at Houston’s a couple of times. I love the red bean soup there, but they only serve it on Monday. It’s usually not practical for me to get to Houston’s with my usual routine, so going there on a Monday and having the red bean soup is a bit of a treat for me. It doesn’t take much to make me happy. Just avoid the crowds, mind the speed traps, and a good bowl of red bean soup. So what did you do?

Sting Concert in Sanford’s Ft. Mellon Park

Bill — Sun, 30 May 2010 15:26:50 +0000

Sting

I have to admit that this one caught me off guard. For the life of me, I can’t fathom it. Why the hell would Sting play in a Sanford park? According to the web site iLike.com, Sting will play in Sanford’s Ft. Mellon Park on Tuesday, October 5th at 8:00 pm. Check the link below if you’re interested in tickets.

http://www.ilike.com/artist/Sting/event_details?event_id=1798760