I’ve been stuck at home for the past few days. Back pain. It’s not like there’s an exciting story behind it. I injured my back in April 2005 while weightlifting because I didn’t properly adjust the leg press machine. Now my back just goes out of whack now and then. The most recent example happened on Sunday while leaning over a laundry basket.
Fortunately, my employer allows me to work from home in a situation like this one. I’ve been stuck inside for a couple of days. Today, I felt marginally better. I also ran out of food, so I decided to try a trip to the grocery store. My back was a bit stiff getting in and out of the car, but otherwise not a problem.
The problem is driving around the idiots who occupy the space around my neighborhood during a work day. I’m normally at my office 25 miles away, so I don’t get to experience this particular breed of American Death Squad – mothers driving minivans while talking on a cell phone.
Who decided it was a good idea to give a 3000 pound projectile to a distracted driver? Does this kind of thing happen every work day? I truly felt lucky to get home unscathed.
This is evil. It must be the work of Satan. In fact, I’m sure of it. A minivan is what Satan would drive.
There’s nothing cliche about it. Evil doesn’t want to advertise itself in a screaming sports car, oversized SUV, or even a motorcycle. No, true evil is among us in seemingly innocent ways. That’s why Satan chooses to pretend to be a minivan driving soccer mom with a child (spawn of Satan) strapped in the rear seat.
In the 1.5 mile trip from Publix back to my home, I was nearly smacked by no less than four minivans. Each one contained a Mom driving while talking on a cell phone turned around attending to her Spawn of Satan in the back seat. Each one ignored common safety protocols, like stop signs, traffic lanes, and the need to avoid other vehicles nearby.
I hope I’m well enough to get back to the office tomorrow. It’s safer.